What is emotional intelligence (EQ)?
We’re talking about being able to recognize your emotions, understand what they're telling you, and realize how they affect others. It also comprises your perception of others. If you understand how others feel, you’ll have better relationships.
While conventional intelligence is important to success in most areas of life, emotional intelligence is how you relate well to others and achieve your goals. Many performance experts believe that a person’s EQ is at least as important as conventional smarts, and many organizations now include emotional intelligence testing in hiring processes.
How do I know if I’m emotionally intelligent?
The folks at Harvard Business Development offer this list.
People with low EQ:
● Often feels misunderstood
● Get upset easily
● Become overwhelmed by emotions
● Have problems being assertive
People with high EQ:
● Understand the links between their emotions and how they behave
● Remain calm and composed during stressful situations
● Are able to influence others toward a common goal
● Handle difficult people with tact and diplomacy
What are key traits of an emotionally intelligent person?
Self-awareness. High EQ people know themselves well and are comfortable expressing their feelings in an open, honest way. If you understand your strengths as well as your weaknesses, you can use those insights to manage your emotions, recognize triggers, and set realistic goals for yourself.
Social awareness. High EQ people are well attuned to the needs and motivations of others. When you can read other people’s reactions and feelings, you can take steps to keep your own actions from negatively impacting others.
Self-management. High EQ people can typically manage stress and tough situations in a calm, rational way.
Relationship management. High EQ people are great communicators and relationship builders who appreciate the importance of personal relationships and professional networks.
How can I develop my emotional intelligence?
Reflect honestly. What are your weaknesses when it comes to relating to others? Can you accept that – like everyone – you develop in some areas to make yourself a better person? As emotions come up for you over the course of your day, quickly recognize and name them.
Pause before you react. When difficult situations arise, try to pause before reacting and imagine the response you will wish you’d had (once emotions settle). Understanding and tempering your reactions is a major sign of strong EQ.
Consider your reactions to others. Are you quick to judge or stereotype? Critique honestly how you think and interact with others and try putting yourself in their shoes. Challenge yourself to be more open and accepting of others’ perspectives.
Read more. Research reveals that reading books with complex characters actually improves empathy, a powerful part of EQ. What's more, stories from other people’s perspectives are rich with insights into their feelings and motivations, which is fantastic for raising your social awareness.
Focus on humility. We all like acknowledgement when we’ve done something well, but does attention take on an outsize importance for you? Humility isn’t about being shy or lacking confidence. Instead, it’s giving others a chance to shine and considering their contributions.
Seek feedback. While it’s nice to imagine the world sees us as we’d like to be seen, it’s worth finding out how folks you trust see your emotional intelligence. How? Just ask. It doesn’t have to be awkward. Tell them you’re trying to do better and encourage them to honestly share their take on:
● How you respond to tough situations.
● How adaptable you are.
● How empathetic you are.
● How well you tackle conflict.
Their responses may not be what you’re hoping to hear, but it’s a great start to real growth.
With these strategies, you’ll be able to grow critical soft skills that will make you a more effective, emotionally intelligent friend, family member and colleague. And those better, stronger relationships? They’re better for everyone.